The future... What my 9 year old taught me about myself.

The other night I was putting my son to bed.  He will be 10 in a few weeks and has just started grade 5.  I was about to leave the room and he said, after asking a ton of questions for the last 15 min, “Mom can I ask you one more question?” If you have kids you know what that is all about.  I said no.  I was about to leave then changed my mind.  I have found some of the best conversations I have had with my son are the one we have right before bed.  So I said “Ok, but only one more”.  With a very serious look he said “Mom, you know how girls love their Dads and their dads are boys? Why don’t girls like boys?  Non of the girls in my class like me” I sat back down on his bed and asked him if there was a cute girl in his class he liked.  He just smiled.  He said non of the girls like him.  They all hate him.  He looked kinda sad.  I asked him if the girls liked any of his friends.  He pondered for a min then with a realization he said “No! the girls don’t like any of us”. I talked with him for a while and told him that he didn’t need to worry.  That he has 2 older sisters that he has spent a lot of time with.  That he had a good understanding of girls and is very good at talking and sharing his feelings.  In about 2 years all the girls are going to like him.  He didn’t seem to believe me and wanted to continue the conversation, however I told him not to worry that he will believe me one day.  “It’s Time for bed”

I have been thinking about this over the last few days.  I have been, in the past, a worrier.  Well I guess I better be honest, there are times I still am lol. I have been told that when I worry about the future I am “projecting”.  That I have decided what the outcome will be and it hasn’t even happened yet.  Typically it’s not a good outcome.  I debate back and say “No I’m not! I am using logic and logic tells me this will not be good” (whatever “this” may be).   Have to say I have had many, and I mean, many conversations like this over the last 2.5 years.  It has been an internal battle as I slooowly let go of this “projection” issue I have had. 

I so love when it’s a child who really points out the obvious to me.  As I walked out of my sons room that night I chuckled to myself and though.... He is worried about something that is such a minor issue.  I thought to myself how simple a child’s life is.  I was thinking to myself in a very short time he will come to me with other issues, like “Mom the girls won’t stop bugging me”.  However I also understood that in his world this WAS a big issue.  That he had to trust ME that it was going to all work out and that these girls would eventually like him.  That was a hard thing for him to grasp.  Why?  Because, it is not currently happening in his life right now.  In fact everything he can see points to the opposite side of things.  They really don’t like him and it does not look like it will change.  I started to realize that there were things in my life, in the past, that didn’t look like it would change.  There were even people in my life telling me they would change.  Not to worry about it.  I would be thinking, “WHAT??? Don’t Worry???? Do you even get what I am trying to tell you?? It’s bad.  Really bad???  There is nothing good that can come out of this!!!”  Yet as I look back good did eventually come.  Maybe not when I wanted it to but it did. 

So, my question to all of us.  Especially me.  What in your life right now are you worried about?  What are you wasting precious emotional energy on?  Worrying that it’s all going to come to an end or fall apart or disappear or never get better?  Does this really serve us well?  I am realizing it doesn’t.  It wastes our real potential to problem solve and allow others to enter our lives that may have the solution. 

So why don’t we all work towards recognizing when we are “projecting” the negative about our future.  I am not saying it will be easy, but I am saying it will be worth it. 

Are you a Box Dweller or a Box Destroyer?

I haven’t posted in a while.  Summer and all that can be busy especially when you add kids into the mix.  Love that I can be home with them and not have to worry about asking my “boss” for time off.

Had a conversation with someone this week that got me thinking about life.  They invited me to speak at an event and share my story.  I am sitting in my office thinking about the past the present and the future I started thinking about the boxes I have built in my life.  No not a physical box, but that invisible ones, the boxes that we all have on the inside of us.  You know the one.  We climb into them when we feel threatened or unsure of our situation.  We retreat into the safety of what is familiar, where we have “control” basically what we perceive as safe.  Even if we don't like how it feels in there we at least know it better than the unknown.  They are interesting because most of the time we don’t even realize they are there yet we find ourselves inside them with the lid shut tight. 

The problem I find when I have climbed into one of the boxes, or in some cases tripped into one and didn’t even know it lol, is that it creates a situation where I cannot see opportunity. Typically it's a time in my life that I find myself feeling angry more than normal.  Where I feel like there is no hope of change.  Times where I feel like nothing ever goes right.  What I am realizing about life is those are the times I am in a box.  It's because all I can see are the four walls that surround me.  Of course I can't see anything other than the situation I am in.  Now it is up to me to realize that the answer is there.  That I may be the issue.  Hmmmm that can be a hard one to swallow can't it?  Me the issue?  You the issue in your own life?  No one can lift the lid off that box.  Only me and you.  For example, how often has someone offered help and we turn around and go "That's ok I can handle it"?  Really??? Are you sure? Could that be the solution?  Yet we don't want to "inconvenience" someone else?  What about the times someone has invited you to something and then we say No.  When really it's because we are too afraid to go where we don't know anyone.  What if that is the place you meet the one person who is the answer to that problem you are dealing with?  It happens to all of us.  It does not matter how much success we have had in life.  It happens when we are about to grow and do something we may have never done before.  

So when you are feeling that insecurity, hopelessness, fear, nervousness, anger whatever negative emotion you are dealing with make sure you don't climb or "fall" into a box.  If you are currently in one you are the only one who can lift the lid and peak out.  Some amazing things are in that "unknown" place in life.  It can be scary, but it can also be exhilarating.  Lets all lift the lids together and go and see what life has that we didn't even know was there.  

Do You Know What You Are Looking For?

Have you ever lost something.  Looked all over for it.  Then found it and realized you had looked at it many times just didn't see it?

That just recently happened to me.  It amazes me how often it can happen.  

I decided to be very organized for Easter.  Bought the candy about 3 weeks early.  Hid it so my kids wouldn't see it.  Then a few days before Easter went to get it.  I realized very quickly I had no idea where I had hid it.  So off I went on my very own Easter Egg hunt lol.  My 18 year old found it quite amusing.  I looked for 2 days and couldn't find it.  I was frustrated.  I took a deep breath and told myself "It's here, I know it is.  I just have to relax and let my eyes see it".  Within a few min I found it.  

Here is the crazy part.  I had looked at it about 4 times.  I just didn't see it.  How in the world does that happen?  I realized that I had been looking for a Walmart bag and the candy was in a Target bag.  It was not until I relaxed my mind was I able to see it.  The stranger part was that I will still looking for that Walmart bag, however as soon as I saw the Target bag it hit me, "there's the candy".  

So.... I started to think.  What if what I am looking for in life is right in front of me, but I cant see it?  What if I am looking for the Walmart bag but it's in the Target bag.  Translation.... what if I am so convinced I know what I need to move forward and reach that next goal in life that I can't see the solution that is sitting right in front of me.  

Question... Do you know what you are looking for?  If you do be very careful that you are not so convinced on what you think you are looking for that you can't see what you are really looking for.  

Solution?  Be open, try things you may not normally try.  Take a deep breath from time to time and allow the unexpected to enter your life.  Meet people who are outside of the typical group you would hang out with.  Learn to look at things with a new set of eyes.  

Since realizing this I am practicing looking at my world with a different set of eyes.  Being open to finding the "Target bag" instead of the "Walmart bag".  It has only been a few weeks and it amazes me the people who have entered my life.  What you are looking for could be right in front of you, you just can't see it yet :-)

Do you follow your Gut or listen to fear?

As I watched this video I could not help but think that there are times in life we feel trapped.  It doesn't matter if we are trapped in an unhealthy relationship, unhealthy lifestyle or financially trapped.  Then someone comes into our life that we see could help us find the solution.  When we finally break free of our trap we celebrate like this whale.

What I love about animals is that they rely on instinct, we call it our Gut.  The only difference between humans and the whale is that the whale instinctively knew he had found help and stayed for hours until it was done.  There are times in our lives that we see the possibility for a solution, but we don't take it.  Why?  because we are afraid.  There is no "guarantee" that it will be what we think it is.

For the Whale in this story, it was humans that caused his pain.  His solution????  Once again humans.  The whale didn't decide that it was humans that hurt me so to hell with those humans.  Forget them.  They won't help me.  Instead he went with his "Gut"  and spent hours getting help.  He swam away a few times believing that he was ok.  But as soon as he realized he was not completley free he came back.  He did not think "They didn't even do it right.  I thought they were going to help, but they didn't do a good job".  He came back over and over until he was completely free!!!!  What decisions are you making in your life based on fear of failure, fear of being hurt, fear that it will just happen again, fear that life will never change?  "One Decision Can Change Everything".  The whale celebrated because his life had been saved.  The people celebrated because they had saved a life.  How many times do we either not accept help or not provide help out of fear of being hurt?

Past or Future

It has been an interesting month plus.  The past working its way into my present, and, as always, the future being the unknown (for me the unknown can be scary).

The past is such a crazy thing.  Events happen that form who you are.  Some of them good some of them bad.  For me, when I hear people say "I wish I could be a kid again" I think to myself "I would never go back to being a kid".  Things happened there that I would not want to re-live nor would I want my kids to go through them.  However, I am who I am, because of everything that has happened.   Those events created determination, survival and the ability to move forward in life no matter what happens.  So I am learning to embrace the past.  To keep the good and throw out the bad.

The bad ugh!!!! That train wreak inside me lol.  The one that says "I can do it" then next "You will never succeed".  The voice that goes "You deserve good" then says "who do you think you are!!!".  Many of you reading this are nodding your head.  You have the same voices inside.  Your voice is the one telling you the good.  It is telling you that you can do whatever you dream.  That you are a good person, that you are worth so much more.  Those other voices are the people from the past.  The ones that decided the only way they could be bigger is to make those around them small.  Chances are someone did the same thing to them.  They just never had the ability to move beyond it.  The problem with all those voices is .... ours is the quite one.  It's the soft voice saying you can do this..... there is more..... keep moving forward.

If you have been listening to the voice telling you that you are no good you have probably surrounded yourself with people who are also doing the same to you.  As we move through life, experiencing the good and the bad, the decision then becomes, what voice do you listen to.  That small voice inside you that is telling you the good or the one yelling at you telling you all the bad.

I choose the small quite voice.  I choose the people who see, in me, the good and tell me.  The more I choose those two options the quieter the negative gets and the more positive people come into my life.  If you are making that decision today remember, this is a road you need to travel.  Every few feet there you will need to choose again what direction you will travel.  You will either travel towards the positive or the negative.  What will your decision be.  If you fail don't let it stop you.  Get up, brush yourself off and say "I made a mistake, but I choose to keep my heart open and move towards the positive".  I am thankful for that small quite voice.  The one that has lead me down a path.  A path I stumbled along, fell and got up multiple times.  I am thankful for the people, who slowly, began to enter my life.  The ones who partnered with me and saw the good.

Don't ever give up!!!! One Decision at a time

Failure?? I Think Not!!!

Failure??? I think not!!!!

Been a few weeks since my last post. I have been so busy :). The Compound Effect has been so helpful. I have been following my plan and goals. Have failed miserably with parts of the plan. At first I would get so frustrated. I would feel like I had failed. Sometimes I would wonder if I could even get it right. I have bought the audio version of the Compound Effect and have made the decision to play it everytime I was in the car so I could keep on track.

Over the last week I have started seeing some positive results. I am so excited that even with my perceived failure I am still seeing results. Whoop!!! I am realizing there is no failure. The only failure is if I quit and that's not happening. So even when I do it wrong, as long as I am moving forward, improving what I am doing I will gradually see my goals achieved.

So don't ever quit on what you want in life and remember this .... If it's something that is way outside your comfort zone. It's probably something that you could benefit from doing.

Book ends.

Wow. Reading through a few chapters of the Compound Effect again. So struggling with keeping on track with my goals. Felt like I was failing. It's amazing how I can read something and not remember it.

Darren Hardy was talking about keeping a schedule. Ugh schedule????? Kids??? Life??? How do I do that???? Then I read his explanation about book ends. I may not always be able to predict the unexpected in my day. But!!!!! I can control the beginning of my day and the end of my day. The routine to start and end my day right. I know I can do that. Have the morning routine. Working on the evening. Love his suggestions.

I continue down this road. :)

Determination

It's Sunday.  New week starting.  For parents, tomorrow the kids go back to school.  Whooop!!!.  We all love them, but when it comes to keeping a plan in place, wow they sure can throw a few monkey wrenches into those plans.  :-)

My friends Pam and Phil Pettigrew made a decision a while back.  They both decided they were going to start running and run in some races.  This is a couple who never did stuff like that.  They were out of shape and busy and dealing with life.  But they did it and they keep changing their goal and achieving more!!!! It's been amazing to watch and so encouraging.

I would hear things from them like, I ran in the cold today or in the rain, I never thought I could do this, Ugh I am tired and I need to run.  At the beginning it was not easy for them to do some of those things.  I remember Pam telling me at the very beginning she was not sure if she could do it.  But they did!!  It was determination that pushed them through.  They had their goal set.  Their determination to succeed got them out the door on days most of us would have curled up in bed.  This did not happen over night.  There has been a gradual process they have gone through.  A series of small decisions that got them to their goal.  If they failed on one day they did not let it stop them the next day. Phil and Pam don't realize it but watching them encouraged me.  

I don't think we realize the impact we have on those around us as we live our lives accomplishing our dreams and goals.  When we do things that we thought we could never do it encourages another to go and do the same.  They start to believe that maybe then can too.

I have so fallen off my routine that I established just before Christmas.  Have to say I have felt a little discouraged.  My first thought was, I am not going to be able to stick to this.  blah blah blah started happening in my head.  The negative chatter.  So today my word is DETERMINATION.  Today is a new day.  What I didn't do yesterday has no impact on what I can accomplish today.  Each day is new.  So if you have been feeling a little discouraged that goals you have set are not being met.  Why don't  we all agree together, that everyday will be a fresh new page.  A day of unlimited possibilities and we will not let the negative chatter of the week before decide what today or tomorrow will be.  So as I move forward in my year this will be how I start each day :-)

Special thanks to my friends Pam and Phil.  Who have no idea how they have encouraged me.  You two rock!!!

My First Post

Ok here I go.  This is my very first post.  Whoop!!! Learning curve for me lol.  

As you can see from my "About me" I have been on a journey over the last 4 years.  I have 3 amazing children and my goal is to become everything that I can to show them what is possible in life.  

What have I decided to blog about?  Goals!!!  Why goals you ask?  Well I personally have struggled over the years, trying to understand how to set goals and achieve them.  I am going to be 46 at the end of this month.  There are so many things I still want to accomplish and I am beginning to realize that I have goals in my mind.  Some are clear and some are as clear as mud.  So...... This year is a year of learning the art of goal setting, following a program and accomplishing those goals.

Here is my biggest fear...... Failure

As I shared what I was doing with a few of my friends I realized they basically had the same fear.  So I decided to document the next year.  As I go through this process I will share my fears, my dreams, my hopes and my goals.  My successes and my failures.  My hope is that this blog will encourage others.  Even if one person makes the decision not to allow their past to dictate their future.  To get up one more time and take one more step.  That will be one person who will go out and do the same.  Encourage another to go and get up one more time, who will eventually go and encourage another and on and on.

I have no idea what will happen. I do know I will make some mistakes along the way.  But I have just finished reading "The Compound Effect" by Darren Hardy.  I have realized it is the small decisions that can change the course of my life.  

So here I go.  When I look back on December 31, 2013 I will be able to see what those decisions were and where they took me.  

The Journey begins