The other night I was putting my son to bed. He will be 10 in a few weeks and has just
started grade 5. I was about to leave
the room and he said, after asking a ton of questions for the last 15 min, “Mom
can I ask you one more question?” If you have kids you know what that is all
about. I said no. I was about to leave then changed my
mind. I have found some of the best
conversations I have had with my son are the one we have right before bed. So I said “Ok, but only one more”. With a very serious look he said “Mom, you
know how girls love their Dads and their dads are boys? Why don’t girls like
boys? Non of the girls in my class like
me” I sat back down on his bed and asked him if there was a cute girl in his class
he liked. He just smiled. He said non of the girls like him. They all hate him. He looked kinda sad. I asked him if the girls liked any of his
friends. He pondered for a min then with
a realization he said “No! the girls don’t like any of us”. I talked with him
for a while and told him that he didn’t need to worry. That he has 2 older sisters that he has spent
a lot of time with. That he had a good
understanding of girls and is very good at talking and sharing his
feelings. In about 2 years all the girls
are going to like him. He didn’t seem to
believe me and wanted to continue the conversation, however I told him not to
worry that he will believe me one day.
“It’s Time for bed”
I have been thinking about this over the last few days. I have been, in the past, a worrier. Well I guess I better be honest, there are
times I still am lol. I have been told that when I worry about the future I am “projecting”. That I have decided what the outcome will be
and it hasn’t even happened yet. Typically it’s not a good outcome. I debate back and say “No I’m not! I am using
logic and logic tells me this will not be good” (whatever “this” may be). Have to say I have had many, and I mean,
many conversations like this over the last 2.5 years. It has
been an internal battle as I slooowly let go of this “projection” issue I have
had.
I so love when it’s a child who really points out the
obvious to me. As I walked out of my
sons room that night I chuckled to myself and though.... He is worried about something that is such a
minor issue. I thought to myself how
simple a child’s life is. I was thinking
to myself in a very short time he will come to me with other issues, like “Mom
the girls won’t stop bugging me”.
However I also understood that in his world this WAS a big issue. That he had to trust ME that it was going to
all work out and that these girls would eventually like him. That was a hard thing for him to grasp. Why?
Because, it is not currently happening in his life right now. In fact everything he can see points to the
opposite side of things. They really
don’t like him and it does not look like it will change. I started to realize that there were things
in my life, in the past, that didn’t look like it would change. There were even people in my life telling me
they would change. Not to worry about
it. I would be thinking, “WHAT??? Don’t
Worry???? Do you even get what I am trying to tell you?? It’s bad. Really bad???
There is nothing good that can come out of this!!!” Yet as I look back good did eventually
come. Maybe not when I wanted it to but
it did.
So, my question to all of us. Especially me. What in your life right now are you worried
about? What are you wasting precious
emotional energy on? Worrying that it’s
all going to come to an end or fall apart or disappear or never get
better? Does this really serve us well? I am realizing it doesn’t. It wastes our real potential to problem solve
and allow others to enter our lives that may have the solution.
So why don’t we all work towards recognizing when we are
“projecting” the negative about our future.
I am not saying it will be easy, but I am saying it will be worth
it.
